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Ever heard yourself say something to your kids and realised it’s exactly what your parents used to say to you? Yeah, we’ve all been there, and it’s a scary realisation! Our parents' methods have a sneaky way of showing up in our own parenting, but by understanding these influences, we can make conscious choices to be the dads we want to be.
The Legacy of Parenting Styles
Certain parenting techniques and attitudes are often inherited, passed down like that dodgy family recipe no one actually likes. Reflecting on these methods can help us sort out what’s worth keeping and what’s better left in the past. Did your dad enforce strict discipline? Did your mum always encourage you to share your feelings? Some of these methods might be gold, while others might be way past their sell-by date.
Recognising Patterns
Spotting these trends in your own behaviour can be a real eye-opener. Maybe you’ve caught yourself using the same disciplinary methods or saying the same phrases your parents did, like “Because I said so!” or “Stop crying, be a big boy!” Make a list of these behaviours; it’s the first step in recognising patterns that might not be doing your family any favours.
"Understanding the influence of our upbringing on our parenting helps us make informed, thoughtful choices. It allows us to break negative cycles and build healthier relationships with our children."
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
While some inherited techniques might be worth keeping, others might be better off in the bin.
The Good:
Teaching Respect: Encouraging kids to respect others' feelings and boundaries.
Responsibility: Instilling a sense of responsibility by assigning age-appropriate chores.
The Bad:
Strict Discipline: Using harsh punishments like spanking or grounding for minor misbehaviour.
Suppressing Emotions: Telling kids to "man up" or "stop crying" instead of helping them express their feelings.
The Ugly:
Fear-Based Parenting: Using fear to control behaviour, which can lead to anxiety and resentment.
Over-Control: Micro-managing every aspect of your child’s life, leaving them feeling powerless and untrusted.
Embrace the good stuff – the values and techniques that genuinely work – and make a plan to ditch the negative ones. Being aware of these influences is key to making better decisions in your dadding.
Making Conscious Choices
Awareness lets us blend the best of the past with new, healthier approaches. Commit to one change today that’ll improve your parenting game. Maybe it’s starting a new tradition like family game night or trying out active listening. Whatever it is, creating your own path can help you build a better legacy for your kids.
Understanding how our parents’ methods creep into our own parenting can be eye-opening. By spotting these patterns, we can ditch the stuff that doesn’t work and create a healthier, happier family dynamic. Breaking the mould isn’t just about us; it’s about giving our kids the best start in life, free from outdated habits and full of positive growth.
DADDING IN ACTION |
Take five minutes right now to write down one parenting habit you’ve inherited and think about whether it’s helping or hindering your relationship with your kids. |
Resources:
· Books:
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) by Philippa Perry: A guide to breaking generational parenting patterns and creating a healthier family dynamic.
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell: Explores how a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive.
Podcasts:
Parental As Anything: Hosted by Maggie Dent, this podcast covers various parenting topics, including breaking generational patterns.
The Parenting Spectrum: Discusses different parenting styles and how they affect children, providing practical advice for modern parents.
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