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Grief and loss will touch everyone eventually, and it's never easy. As adults, we've had time to learn how to deal with these distressing emotions while keeping up with everyday tasks.
However, kids aren't as prepared and will deal with grief differently than adults, often in unpredictable ways.
Children Process Grief Differently
It's normal for kids to go from playing one minute to getting angry or sad the next. They may also get anxious and suddenly start acting years younger than they are and revert to baby-talking. Young children who are going through potty training may suddenly begin having accidents.
Just because your child jumps from feeling sad to playing doesn't mean they've moved past their grief. It’s normal for kids to shift between emotions as they process loss.
"Children often express their grief through play, art, and other creative outlets, as they may not have the words to articulate their feelings."
Recognising Stages of Grief in Children
Like adults, children will experience different stages of grief, and unlike adults, they may not occur in a linear fashion. Recognising each stage will help you provide the appropriate support.
Denial: Children can struggle to accept the loss, especially younger children who do not yet understand that death is permanent.
Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, children can become angry, which they may direct at themselves, parents, carers, siblings, or the person who has died.
Bargaining: Children may try to negotiate or make a deal in their minds to bring the person back, such as promising to eat all their vegetables or keep their room tidy.
Sadness: Deep sadness and withdrawal are common as kids begin to understand that their loss is permanent.
Acceptance: Over time, children will accept the loss and adjust to life without their loved ones. This doesn't mean they have forgotten; it just means they have found a way forward.
How to Encourage Kids to Express Their Feelings
1. Show Your Grief
Show your own emotions to let your kids know it's okay to feel sad. Remember, they are looking to you to learn how to deal with grief. Explosive or angry outbursts will teach them unhealthy behaviours.
2. Memory Making Activities
Encourage expression through drawings, looking at photos of the person who died, or telling stories about their life. Planting a tree or releasing flowers into a river can also be very comforting.
3. Teach Coping Strategies
Drawing, writing, and music are excellent creative outlets for releasing pent-up emotions, especially anger. Make time for positive activities that provide a break from grief and introduce some joy into your lives.
4. Create Stability Through Routines
Children in mourning will need stability. A consistent routine will provide a sense of normalcy for grieving kids. Ensure you and your kids eat regular meals, get enough sleep, and do plenty of physical activities to support their grieving.
5. Consider Professional Help
Some kids are more sensitive than others when it comes to death and loss. Consider getting professional help if your child struggles to process their emotions healthily.
Helping your child navigate grief is crucial for their emotional development. By encouraging expression, maintaining routines, and showing your own vulnerability, you’re teaching them how to process emotions healthily. It’s not just about managing the loss; it’s about equipping them with the tools to cope with life’s challenges and fostering resilience that will last long after the grief.
DADDING IN ACTION |
Create a memory box with your child, adding items that remind them of the person they've lost. Let them decide when to revisit or add to it. |
RESOURCES:
Podcast:
"Grief Out Loud" is a podcast hosted by Jana DeCristofaro from the Dougy Center that provides support and resources for children and families dealing with grief.
Book:
"The Invisible String" by Patrice Karst beautifully illustrates unbreakable connections between loved ones and provides comfort to children dealing with loss.
Website:
The "National Centre for Childhood Grief (NCCG)" is an Australian not-for-profit organisation committed to supporting bereaved children and their families following the death of a close loved one or family member.
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