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Dadhood is an exciting adventure, with on-the-job training that spans decades and new skills to learn for every milestone. Kids grow up fast, and a rapidly developing curiosity about the world around them means your new addition to the family will start wondering about and reacting to these strange new sensations you call emotions.
Growing up can be emotionally intense for kids and parents. While punishment and consequences are essential parts of the process, so too is nurturing a loving and engaged environment. All this means that your parenting skills will benefit from a bit of levelling up in the emotional intelligence department.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence, often called the Emotional Quotient (EQ), refers to your ability to recognise, understand, and manage your emotions and those of others.
The concept was first created by psychologist Daniel Goleman, who identified five key areas of emotional intelligence:
Self-awareness: A self-aware person has a highly developed ability to recognise emotions and know how they affect thoughts and behaviours. They are also aware of their strengths and weaknesses.
Motivation: Emotionally intelligent people are guided by internal values and goals rather than material rewards.
Self-regulation: Refers to the ability to manage your emotions, which comes in handy during stressful events like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of Woolies. Self-regulating your feelings means dealing with them with appropriate responses and adapting to situations quickly.
Empathy: This facet of EQ means you can easily recognise feelings in others and respond appropriately. It's an excellent trait for building solid relationships.
Social skills: Active listening and verbal and non-verbal communication are social skills that allow you to communicate effectively in relationships.
How Dads Benefit From Emotional Intelligence
Fathers with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to teach their kids vital life skills like empathy, self-regulation, and effective communication. By modelling these traits, you’re not just doing the right thing—you’re handing down the emotional tools they’ll need to tackle life's ups and downs.
Kids of emotionally intelligent dads tend to be more secure, confident, and socially savvy. EQ helps calm family chaos, reduce stress, and build stronger bonds. Plus, these kids are ready to take on life's challenges with the skills they need to succeed.
"Emotional intelligence is the 'something' in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behaviour, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results."
Quick Tips for Boosting EQ
Being a good role model: Your kids are watching. Show them you are emotionally intelligent by expressing your emotions openly and appropriately. Talk about how you feel in certain situations and why.
Validate their feelings: Accept your kid's emotions without judgment. Practice using phrases like "I can see you are upset" to validate their feelings and show them it's okay to experience various emotions.
Encourage empathy: You can help your kids develop empathy by encouraging them to put themselves in the other's place. Talk about different scenarios and ask how they think others might feel in those situations.
Practice emotional regulation activities: Involve your kids in mindfulness exercises and deep breathing. These are great tools for managing stress and emotions.
Limit screen time: Encourage device-free time for better emotional connection. Reducing screen time helps kids engage more deeply with their feelings and others, allowing them to practice emotional regulation without digital distractions.
Prioritise real-life connections: Make sure there's plenty of face-to-face time and real play. All play—good and bad—is important. Kids need to fall and get back up, argue and make up. These interactions teach them resilience, problem-solving, and the emotional skills they’ll need as they grow. Digital play can’t replace the value of hands-on, real-world experiences.
Celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities: No one’s perfect. Use your blunders as chances to show your kids that mistakes are part of learning and growing. It’s okay to not always have it together.
Embracing emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a game changer. By modelling emotional literacy, you'll help your kids grow into emotionally stable, confident adults who can handle life’s challenges—and maybe even teach the next generation to do the same. After all, emotional intelligence isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about doing good.
DADDING IN ACTION |
Next time your child expresses their feelings, make sure all the gadgets are switched off, and practice active listening.
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RESOURCES:
Book:
"The Emotionally Intelligent Child" by Rachael Katz and Helen Shwe Hadani offers effective strategies for raising self-aware, cooperative, and well-balanced kids, with a focus improving emotional intelligence.
Podcast:
"Emotionally Intelligent Parenting" with Stephanie Pinto provides weekly advice for parents to develop their emotional intelligence and raise emotionally intelligent kids.
Website:
"Equip Our Kids" offers a wealth of resources on emotional intelligence and social-emotional learning.
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