What to Do When You Don’t Like Your Kid’s Friends

We’ve all been there: your kid comes home with a new friend, and you get that gut feeling that something’s off. Maybe they’re not the best influence. Maybe they’ve got questionable habits. Or maybe you just don’t vibe with them. Whatever the reason, it’s tough when you don’t like your kid’s friends—but how do you handle it without causing a scene or turning your kid against you?

Pause and Reflect

Before you start plotting a “friend intervention,” take a moment. Why don’t you like them? Is it their behaviour, your kid’s behaviour, or just your gut feeling? Sometimes our instincts need a second opinion, so hit pause and think it through.

Ask Questions, Not Interrogations

Avoid the “Who’s your friend and what are they up to?” approach. Instead, ask, “What do you like about hanging out with them?” or “How do you feel when you’re with them?” You’ll get a much better read on their relationship without sounding like a detective.

"Compared to children who lack friends, children with 'good' friends have higher self-esteem, act more socially, can cope with life stresses and transitions, and are also less victimized by peers."

Paul Schwartz, Professor of Psychology and Child Behavior Expert

Observe, Don’t Overreact

Spend some time watching how they interact. Are they just two kids goofing off, or is something not quite right? Don’t judge based on one awkward playdate. Kids can be unpredictable, and sometimes it’s just a rough day.

Set Boundaries (Like a Boss)

If things aren’t looking great, set some boundaries. “You can hang out, but I’d prefer if we kept it to the park, not the alley behind the local shop.” It's about steering them towards better friendships without pulling the friendship plug entirely.

Keep It Tactful

You don’t have to go full “I don’t like your friend!” Just calmly say, “I’ve got some concerns about this friendship, and I think we should talk about it.” Let them draw their own conclusions without making them feel like they’re in a courtroom.

Let Them Learn (With Your Backup)

Sometimes, they’ll make their own choices, even if you disagree. Let them learn from the experience—but be there to catch them if things go sideways. It’s all part of the growing-up process, after all.

At the end of the day, your kid’s friendships are theirs to navigate. Sometimes, you’ll need to step back and let them work through the bumps on their own. But as a parent, you can still guide them with your wisdom and experience. Trust your instincts, have the tough conversations, and remember: even if you don’t like their friends, your role is to help them make better choices, not control their social circle.

DADDING IN ACTION

Ask your kid about their friendships this week—keep it light and listen closely. You might just spot something that needs your attention.

RESOURCES:

Books:

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" by Stephen R. Covey. A great read for parents on how to nurture healthy relationships in the family and help guide children through social situations, including friendships.

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This book provides practical communication tools to help parents connect with their kids and address tricky situations, including concerns about friends.

"Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman. This book gives parents insight into emotional intelligence, including how to help kids navigate friendships and interpersonal conflicts.